The Concept of Mic

Every night, I lie in bed and say goodnight to you.

Even when you’re not present.

I hope you’re sleeping well.

In a warm, safe spot on this wonderful Earth.

Through you, I’ve revealed a blurry 20/20 vision.

You’ve contributed to my learning to be a person with emotional fundamental needs.

Unfortunately, I don’t understand my emotions toward you.

I think „first love“ is something complicated.

Tho, I’m glad to have had the chance to meet you.

Call it fate, call it a conscious decision, or even intuition.

Whatever message you are or were in my lifetime, I’m grateful for every second of attention you gave me.

My head and I still haven’t processed what role you play in my life.  

I feel like I love you.  

However, my mind tells me you’re a crush that never opened up to me.  

You are like the ideal man in my head.  

I hope I’m not wrong when I claim you are rational, confident, empathetic, introverted, slender, handsome, with a shy smile, intellectual, casually intelligent, stubborn (at least still) and somehow straightforward.

To explain how I perceived everything:  

With your looks, I interpreted great interest on your part.  

I masked the whole thing with disinterest and witty comebacks.  

I wasn’t able to communicate my feelings. 

Something so new, so raw happened this summer.

I knew I couldn’t fall in love.  

It was so inconvenient at the time.

We knew we couldn’t keep in touch with the distance, when you would leave.

You remain in my Head and Heart.

But slowly, I understand that it’s not emotions toward you. 

You never fully opened up to me.

Your communication was too much of an interpretation.

It has to do with the feeling you gave me.  

I don’t love you.  

I love the feeling you give me.  

And yet it’s completely understandable that I was blinded by emotions again.  

After all, I’m just human.

And you are probably just as confused as i am.

I have a theory.  

The possibility of building love is by creating the feeling of love.  

A kind of icebreaker.  

Then, with some time, sincerity, curiosity, and presence, you get to know the person as they really are.  

I look forward to the day we can honestly get to know each other and speak without filters.  

And even if that day doesn’t come, 

We have our own decisions, intentions, and values.

Please don’t feel guilty.  

After all, you were yourself and lived your life as you wished.  

And no one can be blamed for that.  

I think everyone should live that way.  

And if life paths cross and align, then so be it.

However, 

I hold onto hope.  

It would be an honor if you could turn this hope into reality with your words and decision.

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You mean a lot to me.

Not the emotions.

You.